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Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's been a [while] year.

So, its been a bit since i've updated..
as strange as it sounds, i just dont update much on my breaks..i'm busy actually having a life i guess lol.
So getting back in school next week will probably mean more updates.
Not that anyone's checking, huh? ha.



So this past year I ....
fell in love.
went to prom with one of my best friends (thanks again, friend ) got to finally date that wonderful boy i fell in love with (it's a long story! )
graduated high school
went to Disney world for my 4th time!
Turned 18 ( on the beach!)
celebrated the birth of my cousin's baby boy Harrison (who also shares my wonderful boy's birthday!)
went to Arizona (again) and Las Vegas for the first time!
Became a Youth leader at Shockwave.
Quit Chick Fil A and started The Teacher's Depot
Started college at LA Tech with 2 scholarships (that im struggling now to keep! ha!)
had my first (and freakin scary!) wreck
finished my first quarter in college
and have now been dating my wonderful boy 8 months!

As great as it was, there was still some tough internal conflict..
but God works it all out right?

I'm looking forward to doing things right this year. I still dont know about this growing up thing yet though..not that i have a choice.. : ) heh.




and this sums up my year.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Dreamer.

As a child, preteen, and early teenager, I was possibly the biggest dreamer ever.
Ok, maybe not the BIGGEST, but maybe the busiest. I was always dreaming up new ways to save the world, or something nuts like that.

When I was a kid, i dreamt the super hero dreams and want not. ACTUALLY, at one point, I had decided I was going to be a Super Teacher/Preacher...cape and all..not EVEN kidding!

But as a preteen, and early teen, I began dreaming more realistic dreams, based on a few tough experiences and wrong choices. I was always wanting to help people out of things that I had beaten.

My junior and senior years of high school..most of this dreaming came to a halt. I'm not completely positive, but I'd think it was caused by the downer, realist, and most times underhanded boyfriend I had the entirety of my junior year.
Unfortunately, i didnt realize i had the right to dream again until this past summer.

But now that my dreaming is back underway, it is WELL underway.

I just recently realized that with my minor in English, this could help me get a spot to teach English in Japan!
lots of thoughts there...

I also, just realized that thought that I could also become a pastor for Junior High girls. My DREAM is to be able to head up a ministry like that. Those kids are my HEART.

Another dream of mine, the only dream I have kept and has just kept growing since my childhood, is becoming a wife and mother. A great one. I would love to have the ability to stay home with my children and be there for them every step of the way, and teach them my (and my future husband's) values and morals, which are/will be based on Jesus Christ.
*Even if I am not able to stay at home everyday with my kids, it will be perfectly ok with me..these are just big dreams you know!

Dreaming makes me feel more alive.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Perspective.

These thoughts have been festering inside me for a while..
excuse if theyre out of wack lol.

For the past year or so,
I've come to have a better understanding of the importance of looking at things from other people's perspectives. I had come to quietly pride myself in this quality (not like a "HA i'm so much better than you ignorant people!" pride, just like an accomplishment pride), and it has become to come to my attention more often lately that just because i'm able to think this way, and that i think its a great way to be, doesnt mean everyone else likes to hear about it, or to feel as if they are wrong for not thinking this way.

I have a big mouth...and for some reason feel as if i should stick up for the side of the other person that is not there to defend themself (in said argument or face off). I suppose i need to begin working on keeping my mouth shut...keeping others points of view to myself..and only to voice my own if completely necessary.

For example,
a while back, a friend of mine was giving a waitress a really hard time. It was getting late, and I figured she had been there a reasonable amount of time already. I was sure she was tired. I was sure that she wasnt exactly thrilled to get the table filled with teenagers that were loud, and probably wouldnt tip well. Taking all this into consideration, I tried my best to be very nice to her, even though she was very slow. So when my friend made a big deal over this, and kept complaining and giving her heck, I took it upon myself to try and force him to look at things from her point of view.

I have also done similar to my boyfriend COUNTLESS times, leaving him to belief that i'm never on his side. How can i be when i'm constantly trying to vouch for someone else? (I AM always on his side, i just know the previous thought i what he must be thinking. sorry sweet heart! )

This, i realize, doesnt usually go over well - good intentions or not.

I'm just always thinking of how hard that waitresses life might be..how many babies she has to feed..how many bills she has to pay..
thinking of how that weird girl's thoughts really are...how what they say really does hurt her feelings, just like it wouldve hurt them..
thinking of how that guy is just insecure..and doesnt know how to stand up for himself, but he really wants to...how he might have never had a dad to show him how?


As much as i hate to...I realize i need to just learn to control myself, and not try and force people into my way of thinking, be it the best way or not!!


Ya get me?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Need an invitation, I dont.

I have a feeling this will be a short post..
or at least it needs to be..i have homework to finish.


These past 2 days havent been very bright, but I'm still blessed!
They've just been monotonous..and lots of head aching paper work at work.. and studying and homework..and trying to fit the guitar/bass in between..
oh lawd.
hahahaha.


I slept funny last night or something, I've got the craziest crick in my neck! It's so sore!!

Let's pray tomorrow's an outstanding one, yes?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Deary me!

I'm posting because im procrastinating on my math homework..ha.
This is my 2nd time to take Math 099...I'm trying really really super hard to pass this time.


I've had a really great weekend!
Friday it snowed!!! It didnt stick, but it was so cool to see again.
That night, Ty and I made a Ginger Bread house..
who knew he was such a culinary perfectionist??
I pretty much stunk!
He was in a kind of sour mood that night..made me in a kind of sad mood..so i got really upset when he and my sister and her friend decided to eat my Ginger Bread House...
I was sad. : (

Saturday Ty and I had Red Lobster for Lunch! So yum! I love it when he treats me to yummy things like that, especially when i dont even ask!
We went to the mall ( with the other 9 million people!) and bought a few christmas presents...He actually found him some jeans at Old Navy for only 19.99!! So proud ..way to find those sales my man! : )
I picked up some little journals to put in the gift baskets i'm making for my co workers.
I've been always on the look out for little things I can put in their baskets....ideas anyone??
He bought me some super yummy smelling Candy Apple something or another set from Bath and Body for part of my Christmas present!
Also looked for some time in a jewelry store....

We had to cut our shopping short though, because we had a youth event to go to!
The youth went caroling at some nursing homes last night and man, i was having a hard time leading by example cause if i went over and starting talking to some of them i knew the flood gates would open up in my eyes!! It was a struggle to hold them back the whole time!!

And today, Sunday,
Ty ate steaks for lunch with my family, watched that crazy Saints game, and a while later we saw A Christmas Carol with some friends ( and my little brother and his friend tagged along).
I didnt expect it to be so scary!!!



Me and My Co Worker, Ashley, playing in the snow between customers on Friday! haha!




And here's our beautiful creation before the evil giants so mercilessly tore it down : (

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Waiting for Attention, I'm not.

I got word today, that another person who used to be like a brother to me, is now claiming to be agnostic.
I couldnt hardly take it when i heard this..i almost bawled right there.
This kid used to be more in love with God than anyone i knew.
I...cant believe it.

This is close friend #2 that's wandered off and acts as if they dont even know God.
What the heck??
I have spent so much time crying and praying..i'm tired of caring about her so much.
Its her life.
...but i miss her. She was one of my best friends.

And now him too.

This is killing me.
I wish i could just not care.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Lunch!

I'm very ready to go on my lunch break.
I'm waiting for my co-worker to get here so i can leave and get it.
I think the most exciting part of my day is often deciding what to eat for lunch..
sad huh?

I'm a creature of habit, to the max. And I enjoy scheduling. I dont like things to just be mixed matched through out the day everyday. I need order..
I dont really like this about me!

My Thanksgiving was good. Usually there is like a thousand relatives that show up to my mimi's house that I dont know from Adam. But this time there was considerably less. I liked that. Even though I'm still not allowed to eat at the big table! What the crap? How old do you have to be to get a seat in there??
The dining room, with the table that seats 18 (im not even kidding), is exclusive to the old people.
How frustrating to have always eaten my Thanksgiving dinner sitting on the floor in the living room.
But, I'm blessed to have so much food and a warm house to be in at Thanksgiving..so it's all good in the end : )


Yesterday was 7 months! : )

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving - Eve.

My dad's always called this day, Thanksgiving's Eve.
silly i know.
i love his sense of humor.
if you know him, you know what i'm talking about.


Today was a long day.
Chiropractor...still in therapy from my wreck
guitar lessons seemed longer than usual today..and i owe him 70 bucks by tuesday...idk him i'm going to pull that off..
Ate lunch with the family at Johnny's
and then we went bowling! It was fun being all together. We tend to do that a lot..well not a lot..but when we're all together it's a lot.lol.
Like..if we do it, we do it big. Like spending 2 weeks in the desert..twice.

Bought some more things for some christmas gift baskets i'm putting together, and a few little other things i needed..i love Target so much!

oh I forgot to mention my family spent 67 dollars at the dollar tree today.
Tell me how we did that??
We can tear up some dollar tree!

ended our family night with Risk..
idk why we always play that..we always end up quitting because my brother just gets too obnoxious.
middle school...what a wonderful age.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Daylight!

Matt and Kim is a band, project if you will, that I really like. I'm pretty sure 89% of the public would hate them if they even knew they existed, but oh well, their loss! I'm into ugly music sometimes.heh.

The sun came out very brightly at about 10:30 this morning. It lit up the entire store, and I was completely in awe of how beautiful the sunlight was! I guess we forget to be thankful for that!
It's been so overcast here the past week..i missed the sun and didnt even know it!
Beautiful God, just beautiful.

I'm so ready for Thanksgiving!
I love my family.
And little traditions like watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Even thought now i dont like to wake up early for it.lol.




I'm obsessed with home decor and baking.
I'm like a house wife with no husband, and no house.

hm..I'm gonna have to get to work on that.
hahaha.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Pretzels!

I'm at work, and had brought a ziploc bag of pretzels to snack on..but...
I have already eaten them all within the first hour. : ( Haha, i love pretzels so much!

Another thing that i have found i love, is actually to bake. Is that weird, seeing how i dont even know how to cook normal food? I guess I have to start somewhere right? ha. Ty's always picking on me about that. He enjoys cooking with me i think..ha. That or he's a really good faker! I think he's just grateful I'm finally learning to be efficient in the kitchen..haha. For 18 years i've relied heavily on my mom or a microwave lol.

We're trying to decide what to bake to bring to Thanksgiving with his mom's family..maybe they'll like me better if i come bearing gifts? hahaha.


Since September, I've really been struggling with where my life is going and what not. More like, where I'm supposed to be right now. I know, that I should have gone to Masters. I have acknowledged that, and it has broken my heart. I stayed because I was afraid, and thought that I knew how to control my future better than God or something. Which of course, I didnt. So i've been in much remorse over feeling as if I missed my chance with doing God's will, and that he's punishing me for being here now, when I should have been in Missouri until April. But last night...I got freedom. I finally felt redeemed. We were just singing "How I love you Jesus" in church, over and over, and as I sang it, and Stephen Ivey said that He loves to hear us say that...I got so excited, just in hearing that I could do something still that God absolutely loved. I was so over joyed by this..I ask God "Really?? You love this??" much like a little kid..and he said "I love YOU. I still love YOU. Its ok. " I just bawled...i asked, "what do i do now? how can i..just what can i do?" and He said plain as day, "Just love me."
A burden lifted. A weight off my chest...I could physically feel it.
It's ok. I'm redeemed.
Wow.
i WILL love You!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Blessed.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful boyfriend.
As terrible and long the wait was, he was so worth it.
I cannot explain how much waiting that long for someone i loved so much hurt. It's crazy. I never knew something like that could feel.
But i'm so blessed to have him now. This week will be 7 months that we will have officially been together.
Is it silly that since i was about 14, I always dreamed of being "Ty and Emily"?
That's the first time i've ever even admitted that.ha.
We're so blessed. Everyday is something new. I love it.


It's Thanksgiving break!! Thank the lord, I made it through my first quarter of school!!
I get to work more hours this week, Christmas money! : )

Monday, October 26, 2009

I'll never be the same..

not after loving You, not after loving You.

I dont even know the name or the artist of that song..
but it plays in our store on 100.9 all the time and I really like that line a lot.

It's crazy how you really are NEVER the same after you fall in love with Him. It's unlike falling in love with anyone else..you can never forget him, never forget how he was there for you, and no matter how hard you try, never be able to push the memory of him down far enough. He's incredible like that : )

I'm rediscovering God all over again..I'm so excited.
I'm finally starting to see the beginnings of what the future I've dreamed of come together. I cant wait to get started on all that God has made me for. I know that being used is often a painful process...but i've never experienced a time that it wasnt worth it. He's worth it all.

Man..
I'm so thankful to be alive.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Don't step on my blue suede shoes!



I love Elvis Presley. I dont care who says he didnt deserve all the attention he got...he did too!!
heh..

I had a wreck last week.
I was on the interstate on my way to Ruston for school when a dog ran out in front of me.
I tried to change lanes and get out of the way but from the constant rain we'd been having, the roads were slick, causing me to lose control of my car. I spun about 5 times until i hit the woods on the side of the interstate. But once i hit, my car turned and kept going in the woods the other way. I remember thinking "ok god when is it going to stop!!??"
Ultimately..my car was totaled..but thankfully i was not. hehe.
People that stopped to help said they didnt think whoever was in that car was gonna get out of there alright. But i walked out of it with only a paper cut, and some bruises. I am so blessed!
There's so much more to this story...and so many things that could have went wrong but didnt that morning. I'm just thankful he's got something planned for my life...if he didnt I wouldnt still be here.



there's a big hole on the side of the interstate now from this! haha.


I wanna go to the beachhhh. Too bad its coldish.lol. Not sure how much fun the beach would be without the warmth.
But it'd still be better than here.
I'm drowning in my school work right now...i really do not know how im going to pass this math!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Indigo.

Somewhere I heard that indigo was no longer included in the color spectrum? Is this true?
If so...I'm seriously beginning to doubt if anything i learned in elementary school will be of any use by the time i get grown!
Seriously! No pluto either..geez..
it's alright Pluto, you'll always be a planet in my book.


Bought the new Relient K cd today. Of course, still morning the loss of their old sound, but this cd is good anyhow.
this is my favorite...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmPTXhbzXek


I drank a V8 today and actually liked it!
I was so proud of myself :)

Monday, October 5, 2009

She's got you high, and you dont even know yet.

I've come across this little jewel of a band, Mumm-ra. Unfortunately, they are no longer together, but their music was incredible to my ears.
hehe.

It's been quite a while since i've updated..
I decided i needed to get back into this to ease my mind with all this craziness in my life now!

I'm not much for school.
Definitely not.
College is for the birds.
Dont get me wrong, i enjoy calling myself a bulldog! ha..but..i just really hate all this work..and it wouldnt be such a big deal, i just really need more hours in the day. Or less hours at work.
I realize 30 hours a week shouldnt be a big deal..but im just not used to this insane amount of school work and studying AND having to work everyday.

But I'll live,
God help me!

My cousin has a new girlfriend..which happens to be one of my good friends..and i'm kind of liking it a lot. haha.
I'm not even sure why i wrote that. I just like it.lol.
I like being able to hang out with another couple...especially ones my age lol.

balloon shop videos pretty much make my lifetime.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Love.




I wish all sisters could be like us : )

Friday, June 5, 2009

I'm legal!

well..
I've been legal for almost a week now..but..
lol.
I havent blogged in a while.
i considered quitting..but eh..why not?


but anyway, Yes i am now 18. Now people dont look at me like i'm QUITE as crazy when they find out i'm dating an almost 23 year old.lol.

VBS workweek turned into VBS work 3 days for me. I was just way too tired to come back yesterday. Mainly because i was still pooped from vacation.
Yes i know that's sad...that i was more tired after vacation than before...but a vacation with my mother is rarely relaxing. Especially if we're in Disney World.
But she did have our best interests at heart, and only made us run like we did because she wanted us to get to do everything.
but seriously...
i'm very glad to not be getting up at 6 am and going to bed at 1 am anymore!


My summer is BUSY!
VBS is next week..and i start back to work next week...
then i have 1 week of nothing but work
and then the next is my last youth camp as a student.

the next week..end of june..first of july..i have off..
no wait..i think Ty said we're playing at some 4th of July thing or something..
then the next week is counseling at Kids Camp!
the next week is free
then my 2 week stay in Phoenix..yikes!

by then it's august..and i have freshman orientation at Tech..
and i have GOT to get an apartment pronto.
Kristin and Taylor and i are moving in together..
but we need to wait til the beginning og August (and no later!) because i'll be gone most of July.

growing up is scaring me.


FAFSA!
OH CRAP!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I'll look after you.

I cannot help the consistent need to always be taking care of something or somebody. This drives many people than know me quite crazy..but i just cannot help it. I just always feel the need to look out for somebody. I kind of wish i could stop that.
i have a feeling i'm going to be a smothering parent.... :(


This begins my 3rd week of being out of high school..
and as of right now, i have a freaking easy life, i must admit.
I do nothing but sleep..work..and hang out with Ty.
I'm spoiling myself rotten, but i'm pretending like it's well deserved lol.
I really cant wait to move out though..
whether i am or not comes down to how affordable it will be when the time comes of course, but if i can it would be great.
I like a clean house..i like a clean car...i like getting things done...
but when someone forces them onto me, i refuse to do them. THUS, my disaster of a car, my tornado of a room, and my never ending procrastination.

I want a new vehicle SO bad.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water.

I absolutley love the musical styling of Joshua Radin.
lol.

He reminds me of me and angela...
miss her.


I did not sleep well at all last night. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned some more. I covered my head with blankets..i watched the clock..i KNEW why i could not sleep. I KNEW IT.
God wanted me up. He wanted me to come to Him..come sit and listen. I just did NOT want to. Half of it was because i was scared of what he had to say..the other half because i really did not want to get up out of bed.
So i spent a miserable night, only to give in when it turned to morning. I got up..got my bible..devotional..and headed to the chair by the window.
Within the first few SECONDS of giving god the reigns this morning...He told me "You're going to be a leader. I want you to be a leader."
I have no idea where or when or how or what of...but thats what He had to say. I continued my bible study and reading and praying...and felt much more relieved than i had in nights.
If i cant sleep tonight,
it'll be because i'm too busy wondering what i'll be leading..lol.

God's pretty neat ya know it?
I like hearing things from Him. Even though letting him have free reign in my life so often scares me to death..
it's much better that way.

whether i acknowledge it or not, he still always knows what he's doing.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

In other news...

I'm now done with high school!
It's suprisingly bittersweet..
idk what came over me as the last time i walked those halls..
i accidently freaked out a little! yikes!

Graduation is May 14 and I have yet to find a dress..blahhhh.
I want the right one! I'm really specific about this stuff!

I also have recently become freakishly obsessed with..

- acoustic guitar
- Fluorescent Adolescent - The Arctic Monkeys
- The Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour
- Honda Civics
- Smoothie King


basically!

and...

I have a new boyfriend :)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Are we as safe as we let ourselves believe?

So my Spring Break was pretty much off the chain. And yes, i'm aware that the only person who still thinks that phrase is cool is Ryan Lowe...

But either way, it was cool. I really cant recall a day that i didnt have fun with somebody..and sleeping late was soooo nice. The only thing that got me out of bed this morning was knowing that i only have 1 week of high school left!!
which at the same time kind of made me want to stay in bed...

i'm getting nervous!


i'm pretty much digging The Wellness Center.
of course not as much as Fitness Plus...but it's time to let that go i guess...though i still cant get myself to take the tag off my key chain...haha...wishful thinking i suppose.

And...
dashboard has over taken my musical preference once again.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I dont have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...

that he loves us, Oh how he loves.

So, as is everyone else seems to be recently, I am officially obsessed with John Mark Mcmillan's Oh How He Loves Us. But what really gets me about it is the part of the song that he personalizes..when he starts with "I thought about You the day steven died..." that part...he works his way through it in tears...between the hard and painful gulps...he manages to say that "I know that i still love you God, despite the agony..." and you can here the pain in his voice as he says this.
That is real. To still love God..despite that he took your best friend...i wanna be like that.

ANYHOW, my point of typing this was...
that during my time with God today..i was really convicted about something.
There is this girl i've known for a couple of years now. I've been a friend to her because she really needed someone and she's had a tough life...but i was never really willing to get that close to her..you know those people? I think all of us have one of those people in our lives.
But yeah..she's struggled through similar struggles and i've tried to help out...but of course...as much as was convenient for me.
Without revealing too much detail, all i'm going to say is that she is now suffering a heavy consequence to her actions. A consequence I MYSELF could be suffering with her at this very moment if it had not been for God's incredible, out of this world, grace and mercy on me. Yet...i forget about that so often...and when she talks to me i just say as little as possible..or blow her off because i have something more important to do. Now, i'm not flat out mean to her, and i do give her the time of day, but i could be a little more loving. a lot more loving. She asks me to hang out because she has no friends...and i turn her down, knowing that i have nothing better to do. Things like that.
And in my prayer time today...i just fell to my knees in conviction..had i forgotten God's grace in my life? Had i taken for granted what he saved me from and treated it like i had deserved this grace?? Who am i to not love someone just like me..

i'm not even sure how to finish this...
all i know is i gotta change it.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Emily is...

being a typical teenager this week.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Swift.

He is sensible and
so incredible and
all my single friends are jealous.
He says everything i need to hear and
its like I couldnt ask for anything better.

He opens up my door and
i get into his his car and
he says "You look beautiful tonight."
And i feel perfectly fine.

but i miss..
Screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain.
And 2 a.m. and i'm cursin' your name.
so in love that we act insane..
and that's the way i loved you.
Breakin' down and comin' undone
it's a roller coaster kinda rush and
i never knew i could feel that much.
and that's the way i loved you.

Friday, April 3, 2009

What a night for a dance..

you know, i'm a dancin' machine.
with the fire in my bones and the sweet taste of kerosene..


...
all this time you were precious to me.
But all the while i was dreamin' of revelry!


ohhh my Kings of Leon.


This has been a week.
a pretty good one though.
the beginning was really rough...staying up all night to finish a term paper and a bio project...
then working all day the next day...getting home at 6 and sleeping 14 hours that night!
yes..that was great!
the latter part of the week has been much nicer to me.
"Life could you be a little softer to me? Life could you be more gentle to me?"
wow. it's been a looooooooooong time since i've thought of that song.

only like 2 more actual weeks in school.
you would not BELIEVE the anticipation. anxiety. excitement.
oh my word, it's finally happening!

wowzers.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Man..

I woke up in the poopiest mood today!
i'm getting on my OWN nerves!!


this is about accurate!





gone to work.

Friday, March 27, 2009

You know me, you dont mind waiting..

You just cant show me. But God I'm prayin'.
That you'll find me, and that you'll see me.
That you'll run...and never tire.

oh, Desire.


    So, i'm babysitting Brayden and Carley Mae on my day off.
I know that sounds like the dumbest thing ever, to work on my day off, but really, i love it.
I've been the Ernst's babysitter since Brayden was born almost 3 years ago..
and I'm seriously about to cry over how much i've watched him grow!
No more diapers..no more even potty training.
He's a big brother now!

oh my..i dont know WHAT i'm gonna do when i see my own children growing, cause i just about cant take THIS!
yikes!

The majority of people that know me very well, all agree that i'm a natural mother..which is kind of weird i admit..
but i really cant help it. poop and snot does not phase me. crying and screaming rarely makes me angry. i almost prefer child talk over that of my own age. i thoroughly enjoy chopping up food and making sippy cups..
and i'm only 17!

I know! It's strange!

But all i EVER wanted to be was a mommy. No kidding. when i was younger everytime i was asked what i wanted to be, i told em with all the pride in my heart that i was gonna be a mommy. ha...i seriously already have my children's names picked out, how i want to make their daily schedules, what i'm gonna feed them...i swear there's something wrong with me!!!!!!

Monday, March 23, 2009

It started out as a feeling..

..which then grew into a hope.
which then turned into a quiet thought
which then turned into a quiet word.

then that word grew louder and louder,
until it was a battle cry.

"I'll come back, when you call me. No need to say goodbye."

love it.
love Regina Spektorrrr!!!

which brings me to this announcement,
I'm officially not moving away come fall.
and i've never been happier!


I know that people always say that God works in mysterious ways and almost anytime God tells someone to do something, it always seems like it never makes sense, then it all pans out in the end. So i dont understand..
Is it possible that God leads you in a way that actually DOES seem to make sense?
Because i really really believe that my decision for college and my future and stuff is what he wants me to do. I have this incredible peace and joy about it. But the plan makes sense! Like it all sounds good to me!
I'm not at all questioning God, i'm just wondering why i never hear of anyone else having God's plan for their life make sense to them..

Sunday, March 22, 2009

prom.


look at us cheese balls :)

Monday, March 16, 2009

It's another life, it's a whole 'nother day dream.

This weekend was really good for me.
at first i thought it wasnt too earth shattering..
but thinking back on it..and thinking the way i am now..
apparently it was.
It just hit me that i am no longer who i was or thought i was. My name is no longer Jacob,
it's Israel.

Prom is this saturday..
in a way im freaking out..
and in a way im just ready for it to be over.
I've never been one to be into high school hype and drama..but in my last month of high school it finally caught me...and now i am reminded why i never liked this stuff!!
I'm just not that kind of girl.
I like to look pretty, and dont get me wrong, i am so excited to wear my beautiful dress, but all the drama that comes with this pretty dress is not near worth it..
Besides, i dont like being around those people that only want to talk to you if you look good..even if i'm the one they're talking to.
I'd rather be around real people, that really like me for me.

i think too much!!
this is the dumbest post ever!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Where there's gold, there's a gold digger.

I am SO excited.
I received something incredible in the mail today..
a letter from LA Tech stating that they're giving me a scholarship!!
woo hoo!!
I literally teared up.
It was like a movie, my mom and me running and hugging and stuff..aw..it was sweet.

And i'm so glad it came now..because i've pretty much made the decision now,
i'll be a student at Louisiana Tech in the fall of '09.

man..that's strange to say.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Breathe! Dont you wanna breathe?

I have reason to believe, that i have victories to taste!
I can feel them in my teeth,
upon my lips and in my chest!
I can roll them on my tongue, they are more supple than defeat.
I feel the tension in my lungs
and every move is fueled by my resolve to..
breathe!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I dont mind, if you dont mind.

Another week gone, another week started. Daylight savings started or ended..or one of those happened today too lol. I'm glad. Because now when i get off work it wont be dark! yay!

I have a biology test tuesday.
I really dont want to study for it.
I should ahve started last week, but im just such a procrastinator...and i could really care less about the lymphatic system! I mean really, unless im Dr. House, do i really need that mess?!
Speaking of which, I love House!

I am a child magnet. And even more so a magnet to children. I hear a kid anywhere, and my head immediately turns to find it. I cant help it. And in stores and restaurants...doesnt matter if the kid has ever seen me before in his life..they always want to come to me or play with me..i love it, but it gets a little awkward with the parent right there, watching this complete stranger play with their child.

i cant wait for children.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Diamonds on the inside.

Wednesday! Hump day! Oh yes! I can make it! lol. Wednesday always gives me a little burst of hope, especially since i dont work on Wednesday's. I always run around like crazy though. I get out of school at 11, go get something for lunch, pick up a treat for my Kids Hope kid, then head on to Boley to mentor. After I leave Boley, i go tan real quick, then head up to the Chick Fil A to either get my check, or ask off for next week, or both. Then it's off to guitar lessons, then to Subway, West Monroe to pick up Kaitlyn from school, and head to church for worship practice before Shockwave. From Shockwave i head across the street where I nap through CC band practice..and finally get to go home at about 10 pm! Whew...I'm tired just typing all that. haha.

But today is First Wednesday Worship, so i picked kaitlyn up and got to go home and relax! woo hoo!!

Cap and gown pictures are tomorrow...haha..i look silly in them.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Dreamin' of the Osaka sun..

One of my...no scratch that..My biggest dream (besides that of one day getting married and having a family) is to go to Japan and tell those people about Jesus. Tell their children about Jesus. Tell everyone i can. Why Japan? I have absolutely no idea. All I know is, one day when i was about 13 or 14 years old, i walked into the living room. I started to walk on past, seeing that no one else was in the room, and took a quick glance at the tv. The Discovery Channel was on, and even though i am one of those people that are actually interested in the Discovery Channel, i was just gonna pass on by it anyway. But when i took that glance, what i saw grabbed my attention like nothing had before. And it was nothing out of the ordinary. No crime scene, no evil, no incredible feat..just a hundred Japanese people walking down the street, going about their daily lives. But for some reason, i became nothing less than captivated by these people, and all of a sudden, an overwhelming feeling of love came over me for them. A love i have never felt before...especially for a people i had absolutely no knowledge of, and no relation to whatsoever. I honestly could not even remember having ever met a Japanese person before then. But for some reason, there was a little middle school girl, sitting on her couch in West Monroe, Louisiana, pouring tears from her eyes out of no where..for people living half way across the globe from her.

And ever since, i have known, that in some way, some how, i have to reach these people. Now, i am certain that i am not meant to spend the bulk of my life there, or even more than a few years. But i do know, that in some way, whatever way possible, i have to get to them.

How can someone love people SO MUCH that they have never even met before?
i dont know. i really dont.
all i know is,
i do.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Wax on...wax off..

day 3 of strep..
and i've been watching a Karate Kid marathon i think..lol.

I love mr. miagi (sp?)..he's such a cute little asian man.haha.

so i have 9 weeks until i am out of high school!
i'm so excited...but at the same time to scared because then i'll have to move on with my life!
Ahhh! That terrifies me a bit. I want to do the right thing. And not just the RIGHT thing, but the BEST thing that God has planned for me. I want to follow the exact path that he has planned for me, not just one i could settle with.
I'm still praying about what i should do with my future...i mean, i know what i WANT to do...
it's all just a matter of deciding HOW to get there, and making the decision God would have me make.
I'm a little bit overwhelmed...

but,
in the mean time..

I've been accepted to LA Tech!
woop!

Friday, February 27, 2009

First things first.

so this is my first blog on blogspot. I have a livejournal, but i like this set up better, so i'm changing my blog over to this!
but anyway..

I'm sick.
I went home from work an hour and a half early yesterday cause i was running fever, and sat in an after hours health clinic for 2 hours only to be told promptly that i had a sinus infection. no tests, no nothing, she just walks in, reads the symptoms, and says sinus infection. Im achey all over, my throat hurts, im coughing up a lung, have an ear infection, congestion, and a horrible headache, and all she does is walk in, diagnose me with a sinus infection, and walk out.
SO, my mom sent me to school today to go to the school based health clinic.
they actually did what doctors are supposed to do and tested me and stuff...
and they said there was no doubt about it, the test came back positive for Strep Throat!

so yeah...i was sent home shortly after..given an excuse for work..and blah blah blah..
my parents paid 90 dollars last night for a perscription of medicine i didnt even need, and now they have to go and get a second filled for the strep! I feel bad for costing them so much money!

but on the upside for me...i wont be wasting any gas for the next day or 2..which is good since i only got to work a day and a half this week!