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Sunday, May 10, 2009

I'll look after you.

I cannot help the consistent need to always be taking care of something or somebody. This drives many people than know me quite crazy..but i just cannot help it. I just always feel the need to look out for somebody. I kind of wish i could stop that.
i have a feeling i'm going to be a smothering parent.... :(


This begins my 3rd week of being out of high school..
and as of right now, i have a freaking easy life, i must admit.
I do nothing but sleep..work..and hang out with Ty.
I'm spoiling myself rotten, but i'm pretending like it's well deserved lol.
I really cant wait to move out though..
whether i am or not comes down to how affordable it will be when the time comes of course, but if i can it would be great.
I like a clean house..i like a clean car...i like getting things done...
but when someone forces them onto me, i refuse to do them. THUS, my disaster of a car, my tornado of a room, and my never ending procrastination.

I want a new vehicle SO bad.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water.

I absolutley love the musical styling of Joshua Radin.
lol.

He reminds me of me and angela...
miss her.


I did not sleep well at all last night. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned some more. I covered my head with blankets..i watched the clock..i KNEW why i could not sleep. I KNEW IT.
God wanted me up. He wanted me to come to Him..come sit and listen. I just did NOT want to. Half of it was because i was scared of what he had to say..the other half because i really did not want to get up out of bed.
So i spent a miserable night, only to give in when it turned to morning. I got up..got my bible..devotional..and headed to the chair by the window.
Within the first few SECONDS of giving god the reigns this morning...He told me "You're going to be a leader. I want you to be a leader."
I have no idea where or when or how or what of...but thats what He had to say. I continued my bible study and reading and praying...and felt much more relieved than i had in nights.
If i cant sleep tonight,
it'll be because i'm too busy wondering what i'll be leading..lol.

God's pretty neat ya know it?
I like hearing things from Him. Even though letting him have free reign in my life so often scares me to death..
it's much better that way.

whether i acknowledge it or not, he still always knows what he's doing.