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Saturday, March 28, 2009


I woke up in the poopiest mood today!
i'm getting on my OWN nerves!!

this is about accurate!

gone to work.

Friday, March 27, 2009

You know me, you dont mind waiting..

You just cant show me. But God I'm prayin'.
That you'll find me, and that you'll see me.
That you'll run...and never tire.

oh, Desire.

    So, i'm babysitting Brayden and Carley Mae on my day off.
I know that sounds like the dumbest thing ever, to work on my day off, but really, i love it.
I've been the Ernst's babysitter since Brayden was born almost 3 years ago..
and I'm seriously about to cry over how much i've watched him grow!
No more more even potty training.
He's a big brother now!

oh my..i dont know WHAT i'm gonna do when i see my own children growing, cause i just about cant take THIS!

The majority of people that know me very well, all agree that i'm a natural mother..which is kind of weird i admit..
but i really cant help it. poop and snot does not phase me. crying and screaming rarely makes me angry. i almost prefer child talk over that of my own age. i thoroughly enjoy chopping up food and making sippy cups..
and i'm only 17!

I know! It's strange!

But all i EVER wanted to be was a mommy. No kidding. when i was younger everytime i was asked what i wanted to be, i told em with all the pride in my heart that i was gonna be a mommy. ha...i seriously already have my children's names picked out, how i want to make their daily schedules, what i'm gonna feed them...i swear there's something wrong with me!!!!!!

Monday, March 23, 2009

It started out as a feeling..

..which then grew into a hope.
which then turned into a quiet thought
which then turned into a quiet word.

then that word grew louder and louder,
until it was a battle cry.

"I'll come back, when you call me. No need to say goodbye."

love it.
love Regina Spektorrrr!!!

which brings me to this announcement,
I'm officially not moving away come fall.
and i've never been happier!

I know that people always say that God works in mysterious ways and almost anytime God tells someone to do something, it always seems like it never makes sense, then it all pans out in the end. So i dont understand..
Is it possible that God leads you in a way that actually DOES seem to make sense?
Because i really really believe that my decision for college and my future and stuff is what he wants me to do. I have this incredible peace and joy about it. But the plan makes sense! Like it all sounds good to me!
I'm not at all questioning God, i'm just wondering why i never hear of anyone else having God's plan for their life make sense to them..

Sunday, March 22, 2009


look at us cheese balls :)

Monday, March 16, 2009

It's another life, it's a whole 'nother day dream.

This weekend was really good for me.
at first i thought it wasnt too earth shattering..
but thinking back on it..and thinking the way i am now..
apparently it was.
It just hit me that i am no longer who i was or thought i was. My name is no longer Jacob,
it's Israel.

Prom is this saturday..
in a way im freaking out..
and in a way im just ready for it to be over.
I've never been one to be into high school hype and drama..but in my last month of high school it finally caught me...and now i am reminded why i never liked this stuff!!
I'm just not that kind of girl.
I like to look pretty, and dont get me wrong, i am so excited to wear my beautiful dress, but all the drama that comes with this pretty dress is not near worth it..
Besides, i dont like being around those people that only want to talk to you if you look good..even if i'm the one they're talking to.
I'd rather be around real people, that really like me for me.

i think too much!!
this is the dumbest post ever!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Where there's gold, there's a gold digger.

I am SO excited.
I received something incredible in the mail today..
a letter from LA Tech stating that they're giving me a scholarship!!
woo hoo!!
I literally teared up.
It was like a movie, my mom and me running and hugging and was sweet.

And i'm so glad it came now..because i've pretty much made the decision now,
i'll be a student at Louisiana Tech in the fall of '09.

man..that's strange to say.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Breathe! Dont you wanna breathe?

I have reason to believe, that i have victories to taste!
I can feel them in my teeth,
upon my lips and in my chest!
I can roll them on my tongue, they are more supple than defeat.
I feel the tension in my lungs
and every move is fueled by my resolve to..

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I dont mind, if you dont mind.

Another week gone, another week started. Daylight savings started or ended..or one of those happened today too lol. I'm glad. Because now when i get off work it wont be dark! yay!

I have a biology test tuesday.
I really dont want to study for it.
I should ahve started last week, but im just such a procrastinator...and i could really care less about the lymphatic system! I mean really, unless im Dr. House, do i really need that mess?!
Speaking of which, I love House!

I am a child magnet. And even more so a magnet to children. I hear a kid anywhere, and my head immediately turns to find it. I cant help it. And in stores and restaurants...doesnt matter if the kid has ever seen me before in his life..they always want to come to me or play with me..i love it, but it gets a little awkward with the parent right there, watching this complete stranger play with their child.

i cant wait for children.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Diamonds on the inside.

Wednesday! Hump day! Oh yes! I can make it! lol. Wednesday always gives me a little burst of hope, especially since i dont work on Wednesday's. I always run around like crazy though. I get out of school at 11, go get something for lunch, pick up a treat for my Kids Hope kid, then head on to Boley to mentor. After I leave Boley, i go tan real quick, then head up to the Chick Fil A to either get my check, or ask off for next week, or both. Then it's off to guitar lessons, then to Subway, West Monroe to pick up Kaitlyn from school, and head to church for worship practice before Shockwave. From Shockwave i head across the street where I nap through CC band practice..and finally get to go home at about 10 pm! Whew...I'm tired just typing all that. haha.

But today is First Wednesday Worship, so i picked kaitlyn up and got to go home and relax! woo hoo!!

Cap and gown pictures are tomorrow...haha..i look silly in them.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Dreamin' of the Osaka sun..

One of scratch that..My biggest dream (besides that of one day getting married and having a family) is to go to Japan and tell those people about Jesus. Tell their children about Jesus. Tell everyone i can. Why Japan? I have absolutely no idea. All I know is, one day when i was about 13 or 14 years old, i walked into the living room. I started to walk on past, seeing that no one else was in the room, and took a quick glance at the tv. The Discovery Channel was on, and even though i am one of those people that are actually interested in the Discovery Channel, i was just gonna pass on by it anyway. But when i took that glance, what i saw grabbed my attention like nothing had before. And it was nothing out of the ordinary. No crime scene, no evil, no incredible feat..just a hundred Japanese people walking down the street, going about their daily lives. But for some reason, i became nothing less than captivated by these people, and all of a sudden, an overwhelming feeling of love came over me for them. A love i have never felt before...especially for a people i had absolutely no knowledge of, and no relation to whatsoever. I honestly could not even remember having ever met a Japanese person before then. But for some reason, there was a little middle school girl, sitting on her couch in West Monroe, Louisiana, pouring tears from her eyes out of no where..for people living half way across the globe from her.

And ever since, i have known, that in some way, some how, i have to reach these people. Now, i am certain that i am not meant to spend the bulk of my life there, or even more than a few years. But i do know, that in some way, whatever way possible, i have to get to them.

How can someone love people SO MUCH that they have never even met before?
i dont know. i really dont.
all i know is,
i do.