Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's been a [while] year.

So, its been a bit since i've updated..
as strange as it sounds, i just dont update much on my breaks..i'm busy actually having a life i guess lol.
So getting back in school next week will probably mean more updates.
Not that anyone's checking, huh? ha.

So this past year I ....
fell in love.
went to prom with one of my best friends (thanks again, friend ) got to finally date that wonderful boy i fell in love with (it's a long story! )
graduated high school
went to Disney world for my 4th time!
Turned 18 ( on the beach!)
celebrated the birth of my cousin's baby boy Harrison (who also shares my wonderful boy's birthday!)
went to Arizona (again) and Las Vegas for the first time!
Became a Youth leader at Shockwave.
Quit Chick Fil A and started The Teacher's Depot
Started college at LA Tech with 2 scholarships (that im struggling now to keep! ha!)
had my first (and freakin scary!) wreck
finished my first quarter in college
and have now been dating my wonderful boy 8 months!

As great as it was, there was still some tough internal conflict..
but God works it all out right?

I'm looking forward to doing things right this year. I still dont know about this growing up thing yet though..not that i have a choice.. : ) heh.

and this sums up my year.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


As a child, preteen, and early teenager, I was possibly the biggest dreamer ever.
Ok, maybe not the BIGGEST, but maybe the busiest. I was always dreaming up new ways to save the world, or something nuts like that.

When I was a kid, i dreamt the super hero dreams and want not. ACTUALLY, at one point, I had decided I was going to be a Super Teacher/Preacher...cape and all..not EVEN kidding!

But as a preteen, and early teen, I began dreaming more realistic dreams, based on a few tough experiences and wrong choices. I was always wanting to help people out of things that I had beaten.

My junior and senior years of high school..most of this dreaming came to a halt. I'm not completely positive, but I'd think it was caused by the downer, realist, and most times underhanded boyfriend I had the entirety of my junior year.
Unfortunately, i didnt realize i had the right to dream again until this past summer.

But now that my dreaming is back underway, it is WELL underway.

I just recently realized that with my minor in English, this could help me get a spot to teach English in Japan!
lots of thoughts there...

I also, just realized that thought that I could also become a pastor for Junior High girls. My DREAM is to be able to head up a ministry like that. Those kids are my HEART.

Another dream of mine, the only dream I have kept and has just kept growing since my childhood, is becoming a wife and mother. A great one. I would love to have the ability to stay home with my children and be there for them every step of the way, and teach them my (and my future husband's) values and morals, which are/will be based on Jesus Christ.
*Even if I am not able to stay at home everyday with my kids, it will be perfectly ok with me..these are just big dreams you know!

Dreaming makes me feel more alive.

Friday, December 11, 2009


These thoughts have been festering inside me for a while..
excuse if theyre out of wack lol.

For the past year or so,
I've come to have a better understanding of the importance of looking at things from other people's perspectives. I had come to quietly pride myself in this quality (not like a "HA i'm so much better than you ignorant people!" pride, just like an accomplishment pride), and it has become to come to my attention more often lately that just because i'm able to think this way, and that i think its a great way to be, doesnt mean everyone else likes to hear about it, or to feel as if they are wrong for not thinking this way.

I have a big mouth...and for some reason feel as if i should stick up for the side of the other person that is not there to defend themself (in said argument or face off). I suppose i need to begin working on keeping my mouth shut...keeping others points of view to myself..and only to voice my own if completely necessary.

For example,
a while back, a friend of mine was giving a waitress a really hard time. It was getting late, and I figured she had been there a reasonable amount of time already. I was sure she was tired. I was sure that she wasnt exactly thrilled to get the table filled with teenagers that were loud, and probably wouldnt tip well. Taking all this into consideration, I tried my best to be very nice to her, even though she was very slow. So when my friend made a big deal over this, and kept complaining and giving her heck, I took it upon myself to try and force him to look at things from her point of view.

I have also done similar to my boyfriend COUNTLESS times, leaving him to belief that i'm never on his side. How can i be when i'm constantly trying to vouch for someone else? (I AM always on his side, i just know the previous thought i what he must be thinking. sorry sweet heart! )

This, i realize, doesnt usually go over well - good intentions or not.

I'm just always thinking of how hard that waitresses life might many babies she has to many bills she has to pay..
thinking of how that weird girl's thoughts really what they say really does hurt her feelings, just like it wouldve hurt them..
thinking of how that guy is just insecure..and doesnt know how to stand up for himself, but he really wants he might have never had a dad to show him how?

As much as i hate to...I realize i need to just learn to control myself, and not try and force people into my way of thinking, be it the best way or not!!

Ya get me?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Need an invitation, I dont.

I have a feeling this will be a short post..
or at least it needs to be..i have homework to finish.

These past 2 days havent been very bright, but I'm still blessed!
They've just been monotonous..and lots of head aching paper work at work.. and studying and homework..and trying to fit the guitar/bass in between..
oh lawd.

I slept funny last night or something, I've got the craziest crick in my neck! It's so sore!!

Let's pray tomorrow's an outstanding one, yes?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Deary me!

I'm posting because im procrastinating on my math homework..ha.
This is my 2nd time to take Math 099...I'm trying really really super hard to pass this time.

I've had a really great weekend!
Friday it snowed!!! It didnt stick, but it was so cool to see again.
That night, Ty and I made a Ginger Bread house..
who knew he was such a culinary perfectionist??
I pretty much stunk!
He was in a kind of sour mood that night..made me in a kind of sad i got really upset when he and my sister and her friend decided to eat my Ginger Bread House...
I was sad. : (

Saturday Ty and I had Red Lobster for Lunch! So yum! I love it when he treats me to yummy things like that, especially when i dont even ask!
We went to the mall ( with the other 9 million people!) and bought a few christmas presents...He actually found him some jeans at Old Navy for only 19.99!! So proud ..way to find those sales my man! : )
I picked up some little journals to put in the gift baskets i'm making for my co workers.
I've been always on the look out for little things I can put in their baskets....ideas anyone??
He bought me some super yummy smelling Candy Apple something or another set from Bath and Body for part of my Christmas present!
Also looked for some time in a jewelry store....

We had to cut our shopping short though, because we had a youth event to go to!
The youth went caroling at some nursing homes last night and man, i was having a hard time leading by example cause if i went over and starting talking to some of them i knew the flood gates would open up in my eyes!! It was a struggle to hold them back the whole time!!

And today, Sunday,
Ty ate steaks for lunch with my family, watched that crazy Saints game, and a while later we saw A Christmas Carol with some friends ( and my little brother and his friend tagged along).
I didnt expect it to be so scary!!!

Me and My Co Worker, Ashley, playing in the snow between customers on Friday! haha!

And here's our beautiful creation before the evil giants so mercilessly tore it down : (

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Waiting for Attention, I'm not.

I got word today, that another person who used to be like a brother to me, is now claiming to be agnostic.
I couldnt hardly take it when i heard this..i almost bawled right there.
This kid used to be more in love with God than anyone i knew.
I...cant believe it.

This is close friend #2 that's wandered off and acts as if they dont even know God.
What the heck??
I have spent so much time crying and praying..i'm tired of caring about her so much.
Its her life.
...but i miss her. She was one of my best friends.

And now him too.

This is killing me.
I wish i could just not care.