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Monday, April 13, 2009

I dont have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...

that he loves us, Oh how he loves.

So, as is everyone else seems to be recently, I am officially obsessed with John Mark Mcmillan's Oh How He Loves Us. But what really gets me about it is the part of the song that he personalizes..when he starts with "I thought about You the day steven died..." that part...he works his way through it in tears...between the hard and painful gulps...he manages to say that "I know that i still love you God, despite the agony..." and you can here the pain in his voice as he says this.
That is real. To still love God..despite that he took your best friend...i wanna be like that.

ANYHOW, my point of typing this was...
that during my time with God today..i was really convicted about something.
There is this girl i've known for a couple of years now. I've been a friend to her because she really needed someone and she's had a tough life...but i was never really willing to get that close to know those people? I think all of us have one of those people in our lives.
But yeah..she's struggled through similar struggles and i've tried to help out...but of much as was convenient for me.
Without revealing too much detail, all i'm going to say is that she is now suffering a heavy consequence to her actions. A consequence I MYSELF could be suffering with her at this very moment if it had not been for God's incredible, out of this world, grace and mercy on me. Yet...i forget about that so often...and when she talks to me i just say as little as possible..or blow her off because i have something more important to do. Now, i'm not flat out mean to her, and i do give her the time of day, but i could be a little more loving. a lot more loving. She asks me to hang out because she has no friends...and i turn her down, knowing that i have nothing better to do. Things like that.
And in my prayer time today...i just fell to my knees in conviction..had i forgotten God's grace in my life? Had i taken for granted what he saved me from and treated it like i had deserved this grace?? Who am i to not love someone just like me..

i'm not even sure how to finish this...
all i know is i gotta change it.

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